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"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."

- Robert Brault (via zodiacchic)

(Source: creatingaquietmind, via zodiacchic)

Being alone is difficult, to say the least, even though I’m almost always alone anyways. It’s just hard to start over when you’re used to being with at least a few people to support you. People to laugh with and share your day with is nice.Yet, what this isolation has taught me is a lot of important things about myself. Things that I don’t think I would have normally found out if not for this isolation.

Everyone that I had surrounded myself with was such a fucking asshole. They were two faced, opportunistic, back stabbing wastes and their toxic behavior was really starting to affect me.

Luckily I finally learned to live with myself and myself only because at the end of the day I’m all I have. My priorities were all fucked up too but my head seems to finally be on right. I’ve finally got my goals set, my eyes set and nothing is going to stop me.

This past year just really opened my eyes up a lot to so many things. All I can say about that is growing up is a trip, life itself, is a fucking trip. So many things that I have yet to experience, so many things that I want to do. I have so many aspirations and so much ambition. I have the world in the palm of my hands, yet I don’t even know what to do with it, it’s such a scary feeling.

Is there really a point to marrying someone? Why can’t you just spend the rest of your life with someone cause you want to and that’s it? Why have to make an absolute commitment to them in front of god or the law?

I thinks it’s absurd. Just be with them the rest of your life cause that’s what you both want. Why have to complicate things with marriage? If I wanna show someone that I love them, I will show them everyday through my actions. Why is that not enough? Why do people always want more?

Whatever.

It’s astonishing how experience will change your perspective and views about life, mainly for me, what you should really value with the limited time that we have and what you should strive for.

My mentality has changed so much in the past 7 months it’s ridiculous.

Everything is changing and it’s like a breath a fresh air that I’ve been desperately needing for the longest time. I’m just so excited for my future, man!

People say that you never stop loving somebody and well, I thought that was stupid because I hate one person that I loved. I hate you but I could never stop loving you. It’s a strange thing because these are such polar opposite emotions but I’ve come to realize that this is what I’ve experienced. I just needed to accept this fact and stop denying it.

I love you and as far as I’m concerned, I always will, but at the same time I will always hate you and this will always be as well.

I mean I really despise this person. She is considered scum to me. To this day I will never understand what somebody with that mentality is trying to achieve as far as having a romantic relationship with someone nonetheless her actual mentality. I saw her as someone trying to justify her acts by pretending to be unstable, emotionally and I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what she would do. In reality she knew exactly what she was doing. She would just use that to manipulate and to make you feel bad because of her emotional state thus making her actions justified in your eyes. A fucking master mind if you ask me. Anyways enough babbling, just wanted to vent out some emotions here and there.

Man, lately I’ve been feeling really lonely. It’s gotten to a point where its actually affecting my mood. Like things in my life are changing and the people in my life are changing as well, whether it be for better or worse. Anyways, I understand people change and stuff and I always have my family to look to for comfort and love but I know that already and, that’s not what I want, its not what I’m looking for. Honestly, I want a girlfriend. Plain and simple. I miss the feeling of being with someone you can kiss and play around with, someone I can have over to meet my family and maybe sneak them in at night or during the day not just for sex but for conversation. Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had were with my ex girlfriends. I just really miss the feeling of when someone understands you. When they accept you for who you are and they love you for it; I want that. I’m not saying I wanna find the “right” girl but maybe the “right now” girl, and who knows it always has potential for more.

I just really miss feeling that connection with a girl, it gives me one of the best feelings I’ve ever experienced and that’s something that’s been missing from my life for quite a while now.

I just wanted to make this other blog to just record my thoughts. Like that’s the basic purpose. I realize that I want to start recording things that I think about because it’s like therapy to me. So yeah.