It’s astonishing how experience will change your perspective and views about life, mainly for me, what you should really value with the limited time that we have and what you should strive for.
My mentality has changed so much in the past 7 months it’s ridiculous.
Everything is changing and it’s like a breath a fresh air that I’ve been desperately needing for the longest time. I’m just so excited for my future, man!
People say that you never stop loving somebody and well, I thought that was stupid because I hate one person that I loved. I hate you but I could never stop loving you. It’s a strange thing because these are such polar opposite emotions but I’ve come to realize that this is what I’ve experienced. I just needed to accept this fact and stop denying it.
I love you and as far as I’m concerned, I always will, but at the same time I will always hate you and this will always be as well.
I mean I really despise this person. She is considered scum to me. To this day I will never understand what somebody with that mentality is trying to achieve as far as having a romantic relationship with someone nonetheless her actual mentality. I saw her as someone trying to justify her acts by pretending to be unstable, emotionally and I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what she would do. In reality she knew exactly what she was doing. She would just use that to manipulate and to make you feel bad because of her emotional state thus making her actions justified in your eyes. A fucking master mind if you ask me. Anyways enough babbling, just wanted to vent out some emotions here and there.
Man, lately I’ve been feeling really lonely. It’s gotten to a point where its actually affecting my mood. Like things in my life are changing and the people in my life are changing as well, whether it be for better or worse. Anyways, I understand people change and stuff and I always have my family to look to for comfort and love but I know that already and, that’s not what I want, its not what I’m looking for. Honestly, I want a girlfriend. Plain and simple. I miss the feeling of being with someone you can kiss and play around with, someone I can have over to meet my family and maybe sneak them in at night or during the day not just for sex but for conversation. Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had were with my ex girlfriends. I just really miss the feeling of when someone understands you. When they accept you for who you are and they love you for it; I want that. I’m not saying I wanna find the “right” girl but maybe the “right now” girl, and who knows it always has potential for more.
I just really miss feeling that connection with a girl, it gives me one of the best feelings I’ve ever experienced and that’s something that’s been missing from my life for quite a while now.
I just wanted to make this other blog to just record my thoughts. Like that’s the basic purpose. I realize that I want to start recording things that I think about because it’s like therapy to me. So yeah.